I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
