hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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