I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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