also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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