what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
