Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
