Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
