She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
