4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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