I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize