we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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