I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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