we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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