I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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