I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
