Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
