okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
