I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize