Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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