haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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