She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
