Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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