I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
