I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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