I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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