1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
