Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize