The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
