im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
