Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
