Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
