You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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