just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
