in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
