Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
