I CAN MOONWALK!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
