She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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