how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
