I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize