I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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