I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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