tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want to make out with him forever
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
