nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
