I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
