So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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