Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
