I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
