Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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