apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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