I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
