i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
