That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
