the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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