Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize