I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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