He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's official drugs can't kill me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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