I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So squirting runs in the family.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
