Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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