Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
