Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
