well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm like, not good at living.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
