alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
