Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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