The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
