you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
