So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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