we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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