I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My cat gives me a boner
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
